We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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