i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
