I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
