Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
