Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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