worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
What a dumb baby whore.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
