Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
