He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize