seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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