piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
