god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
