I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
