my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
