My sheets look like a crime scene.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
