Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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