can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
