you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
