a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
how drunk are you?
Several
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
