I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
