I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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