The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
