First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
