Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
