Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
