he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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