no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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