My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
