He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
