Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
