remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just cropdusted the office
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize