I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
