He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
