Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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