if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I think I have vodka in my lungs
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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