Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
