I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
