I should be sponsored by Trojan
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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