Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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