My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
