I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
