Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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