You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
