i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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