The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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