When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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