we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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