I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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