Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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