tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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