I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
