C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
