Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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