i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You should frame my arrest warrant.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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