some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
