"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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