He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
