This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
