so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
