420 ftw
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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