Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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