How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
