My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
