ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
