I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
