new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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