so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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