she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
