There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
