Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
