He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
