You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
