I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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