yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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