dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
