How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
