The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
