Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
