Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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