so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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