I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
