Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she told me i tasted like america
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
