My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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