I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
