Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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